I. Am. Exhausted.
Normally, I hate when folks type out sentences with a period after every word, but this is exactly how the statement sounds in my mind, so I’ll make an exception for myself this one time.
I’m tired! The kids have been here since Saturday at noon. In the past, they went to their dad’s at 9 am on Wednesday (well, or school), but that’s not happening right now. They’re with me full-time.
It’s been great! The kids – especially J.J. – are all about helping around the house, sticking to routines. Bedtime is getting to be easier than ever before, knock on wood. And the house is – mostly – still decent. Much of the children’s belongings from their dad’s house are still gathered in piles, waiting for a permanent home. A home I’m reluctant to give them because permanency is relative – we’re moving in a few months. Maybe I should just pack them up. But I don’t want to live in a house full of boxes for three months, either.
When they first came, I had tons of energy. I was scrubbing and cleaning and organizing non-stop.
Now, several days later, I can’t keep up with myself. I’m getting the basics done – laundry, dishes, basic tidying of rooms. I have a handy checklist on my Droid phone that I refer to daily and update as needed. But I’ve been stuck on the same checklist now for 3 days. Because cleaning the fishtank and scooping the litterbox just seem so daunting.
I know why this is. The first hour of my day is spent waking up and getting B.R. ready for school. Then we ride the local transit bus to school because we live out of district and our car has been in the shop for six months (we’ve found a new shop, and I’m sure we’ll be better off for it). I drop him off, and wait for the next bus to come – in half an hour. All in all, it’s about an hours’ effort to take one child to school. Come home, walk the dog and feed J.J. and entertain her for a while. All the while, I’m still taking care of things around the house, bills, important phone calls, etc. And then I walk to work at one, to go play with and wrangle preschoolers for a few hours.
I love the things that fill up my day. I enjoy the quiet morning time with my son, and when the weather’s nice, I like having the option to walk to work. It’s great for my body, mind, and soul – not to mention the environment. My daughter and I spend our time working on creative projects and putting puzzles together. Really, there’s nothing substantial I would change about my day – except this one tiny little thing: If I had one wish and only one wish, it would be for a car.
If we had a car, my son wouldn’t be waiting for the bus to take him to school when it was 11 degrees outside. I would have more energy to tend to my family and my household, and all the projects I want to get done would get done. Come to think of it, I would have a minimum of two “extra” hours per day! My sweet lady would have a way to do her job with out worrying – she’s borrowing cars for work now, and that’s extra stress.
If we had a car, we could go on day trips out of town, or stay in town and go to places like the museum on the weekends. Buses don’t run on Sundays, so we’re pretty much trapped at home.
I’m waiting on my W-2s for the year. As soon as I get them, I’m filing my taxes, and you better believe that, regardless of what happens with the new mechanic and our current car, I will be spending my tax return on a vehicle. I don’t want my family to ever be in this position again. My partner in life shouldn’t have to worry about whether she can take care of her family, and my kids shouldn’t be freezing in the cold on their way to school. These things are wrong, and I’m the only one in a position to change that.
Besides, I’ve been pampered and taken care of my whole life. Time for me to step up and return the karma.
I just gotta climb this one little mountain first.
— Juana Bee