Avoidance, neglect, lessons to learn

Ugh. Avoidance.

Avoiding coming to the blog because I’ve been less-than-prompt in updating, and the blank screen in front of me seems to be chiding me. “Now, now, you said you were going to do this. Where have you been?”

Avoiding coming to the blog because this last week did not measure up at all. And the irony (interesting juxtaposition, rather) of it all is that while I was busy, busy, busy, and drained, drained, drained, mess & clutter began to pile up again, and now looking at and moving through the house makes me feel even less energetic.

To save my energy for the next day, I neglected a few key things. As a result, I have accumulated a negative balance of energy.

I’m sure some of my waning vim has to do with the onset of fall and my natural instinct to hibernate. The nights are getting longer, the days shorter. Most nights, I’m out, involuntarily, by 11pm – cold. Strange, for this night owl.

But the reality of the situation is this: Looking at the mess and the clutter – especially with the knowledge that it was SO MUCH BETTER just a week ago is distressing and sucks the life force right out of me. Instead of doing something about it, I want to leave the house and not come back all day, or – if I’m homebound – stick my nose in a book or play on the computer all day.

Avoiding the mess in the house directly correlates to the betterment of my family, too. I’m a better wife when I take the trash out, and I’m a better mom when the sink is shiny. I smile more, sing and dance more. It’s interesting to note that when I’m actively pursuing this effort, the energy in the house changes from a “me-focus” to an “us-focus”. It really does seem that everyone is more considerate and appreciative of one another. Alternatively, when the clutter builds up and I’m lacking in luster, we settle in, watch our stupid shows, and care not a whit what’s going outside of them.

Those days aren’t necessarily a bad thing – once in a while. But the point of having a family is to build healthy attachment. If I’m consistently setting us up for days of detachment, I’m undermining my best efforts.

Odd. The laundry room is down the stairs behind closed doors, and only ventilates outside. Yet I can still smell it suddenly – oh yes, our windows are open. That will do it.

At any rate, I don’t mean to berate myself – or make it look as if I am. I’ve definitely come to some conclusions. This project has been a great one to undertake, and I’m very pleased with the positive results so far. The setbacks have been, well, setbacks, which just means I need to practice more to get the hang of things.

This week, I will be starting week 2 over again. Kitchen glories!

But what do I do when the week gets so busy and out of control – or when, heaven forbid, the whole family gets sick? How do I make time for the house, when I don’t have time for me?

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About Juana Bee

I'm raising two beautiful and brilliant kiddos who inspire me everyday, with my life partner who likewise challenges and inspires me.
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