I open my eyes every morning, amazed at the newness of it all. So fresh and clean, pregnant with potential – the world is mine to do with what I will. Today is no different.

I could choose to focus on petty disappointments, not to see the beauty I’m wrapped up in. That seems wasteful abuse of abundant gifts, however, so I opt out of disappointment.

I woke a full hour-point-five before I intended to. I tried to go back to sleep, but the house had already begun to stir: the Missus home from work armed with breakfast and two kinds of coffee, sat at my side and regaled me with her night. Just as she informed me that the kids were trying to sleep in, but JJ was feeling sick and “hot-and-cold” again, who should come slumping into our room looking for snuggles but JJ herself? Of course we obliged. How can I say no to cuddling my girls first thing? A short while later, Missus and I went outside. The crisp morning air, smelling of fresh earth and newness, did more for me than those two cups of coffee ever could. Missus stretched out her arm gesturing across the yard to our left at a cute baby cardinal. A cute, round, hoppy baby cardinal that I nearly missed because I had made a discovery of my own: a hummingbird. And where there is one….

One of the most fabulous things about hummingbirds and cardinals alike: they’re creatures of habit. Year after year, they come back to the same place, the fly the same path. They’re good neighbors. I like to think they remember all the kindnesses we do for them, and that’s why they stick around.

Both birds also hold a special piece of my heart. My late grandfather was fond of birds in general, and especially cardinals and hummingbirds. Cardinals remind me of Papa, but hummingbirds – there are times when I feel they must be his messengers. A hummingbird kissed my daughter when she was 4 months old. Those things don’t just happen.

I think its important to remember people who’ve been special to us at every opportunity. I think when we carry on with our lives passionately – as though we live for them, also – and put to use the lessons they’ve taught us, we pay the ultimate tribute. When we tell their stories and speak their names every day, we honor their memories.

I think when we set aside a special day for remembering those who’ve passed, especially in tragic events such as 9/11, we run the risk of being lazy. We will never forget – one day of the year. We also take the chance that our once-positive intent to honor and remember will get lost in the tumult of everyone else’s honoring and remembering. We cry longer and louder, we set up bigger and flashier events, we turn to political discussions and arguments – and we forget the people.

Ten years ago today, I couldn’t stop thinking about the people. I walked into my classroom, and my coworker asked if I had heard. He gestured to the television in time for me to see the second crash happen. I spent the day and night wondering how much pain a soul has to be in to hijack and crash a jet, what the terror must have been like for the passengers on those flights, how much confusion and fear must have been felt in those towers. And the children. The children there, the ones who’d lost family, and the ones in my classroom. How could anybody wver explain to them what was happening?

Now I have my own kids, and I still haven’t figured it out. How do you tell kids that scary things like that happen, but monsters aren’t really real?

I am all for remembering and honoring, and I intend to do just that today – same as every day. I will leave the sackcloth and ashes to my ancestors, because today is the greatest day, and tomorrow is much too long. I have a hummingbird garden to put in, and a sick girl to cuddle.

I will live my life for those who can’t.

Today, I made a discovery so simple, and yet so astounding, I wanted to shout from the mountaintops. See, I’ve been trying like the dickens to figure out why, no matter WHAT I do, my towels consistently smell like mildew. All my usual mildew-busters – vinegar, baking soda, heat, etc. – have really been letting me down. A quick google search this morning showed me why: I have been treating my laundry, assuming the culprit was somewhere therein; it is not my towels alone harboring the musty-smelling stuff, it’s the machine. Our washer came with our new house, which had been left uninhabited for a period of time before we moved in. When I did our first load of laundry, I was prepared for rusty pipes, and ran an empty cycle accordingly. I never stopped to think about mold or mildew in the machine!

I now have a plan of attack. Today, I am running another empty cycle, with 2 cups of vinegar, a substantial amount of baking soda, and a bit of bleach. I will also continue with my baking soda and vinegar laundry treatment. I WILL HAVE NICE_SMELLING TOWELS AGAIN, DAMN IT!

Next time we talk, remind me to tell you of my battles with brambles, and the tree of heaven.

UPDATE: It is now 9:23 p.m., and I have washed two loads of laundry since treating my washer. It appears (knock on wood) that I have been successful! Imagine that!

Happy cleaning!
-JuanaBee

Pitiful.

So we went to The Dusty Bookshelf, which is THE coolest bookstore in Lawrence, complete with stacks of books and cats and a kids’ room, and I picked out a book with some patterns she liked. I’m hoping that working from a pattern will help me stick to the project a little better.

Alas, there’s a caveat. I had her pick out what kind of yarn and the colors last night. She has really sensitive skin and things make her itch, and, well, who doesn’t want to be wrapped in silk at night? She definitely does. I need about 3,700 yards of yarn in baby/worsted weight, and two different colors (approx 3k yds color A, and 700 yds color B). I’m adapting a pattern, at that, so this is a little bit of guesswork. I’m estimating, and I’m estimating on the end of more yarn. On the high end, it’s looking like I’m going to have to spend about $400 on the silk-bamboo yarn it’s going to take to make this beautiful blanket. I’m going to need roughly about 21 skeins of 220 yds each. Ish.

I told her this was going to be my wedding present to her. That once I get started on this, she’s really, truly stuck with me for life, and when it’s done, I’m holding it hostage until we head out for the honeymoon. Holy hell. $400?!

I love her, I’ll do it (I don’t know how), I’ll sell kidneys to make it happen – but first – I have to know: Is there an easier way?!

Last week, we were walking around downtown, and she pointed at a sign (a little different from the typical), and said, “Mama, that says ‘Open.’” Since it wasn’t your standard “Open” sign and it wasn’t in a place we often frequented, I was fairly impressed. Last night, as we were reading Sandra Boynton’s “Blue Hat, Green Hat,” she was following the words with her fingers, and I could tell she was actually working on recognizing cues aside from just pictures. I commented to that effect, and she said, “I know! Let’s put the words from the book on flashcards! We’ll do it first thing in the morning!”

She was nice enough to let me have my coffee, first.

Actually, I’m a terrible photographer and recipe-writer-downer. I’ve been waiting to post a recipe to a fantastic dish that I have created and photographed in all its arranged and well-lit glory. Children don’t seem to understand that…. they see the food all plated up and piping hot, and for some reason, they think it’s time to eat. ::shrugs::

I also don’t really follow recipes, so much as I use them as loose foundations to build upon. And I don’t write them down ever, which I should, because every now and then, I make something that’s a huge hit, and I can’t replicate it because, well… there’s no documentation. I can’t repeat my genius!

This morning was one such hit, BUT it was so simple and easy, I can still remember enough to write it down this afternoon, and share with my lovely readers.

They were gone before I could even think of pictures, though.

Cream-Cheese and Berry Filled Crepes
You will need:
cream cheese

1 1/2 c fruit
2T sugar
water

1 c flour (whole wheat all purpose)
2 eggs
1/2 c milk
1/2 c warm water
1/4 t salt

powdered sugar

peeled frozen banana (opt)
cinnamon (opt)

-Before you do anything, set your cream cheese out to soften, or nuke it for a minute.

Fruit Filling: (*see note below) You’ll want to start this before you cook your crepes because you want the fruit to cook down into a syrupy, sweet mess. I used berries, but apples, bananas, peaches, and pears work nicely too. Play around with it. Remember – the more water content in the fruit itself, the less cooking water you’ll need.

1 1/2 c fruit
water – enough to cover the bottom of the skillet
2 T of sugar

-Bring the fruit and water to a rolling boil on med-high heat.
-Add sugar
-Cook down til syrupy (about 20 min), stirring periodically.

Crepes While the fruit is cooking down, start your crepes.

1 c flour (whole wheat all purpose is what I used)
2 eggs
1/2 c milk
1/2 c warm water
2 T melted butter
1/4 t salt

-Heat skillet on med-high
-Beat eggs in a small bowl
-In medium mixing bowl, beat eggs and flour together
-Gradually add milk while mixing
-Add warm water, melted butter, and salt; blend thoroughly.
-Lightly oil the skillet as needed (mine dry out quick, so it was after every crepe)
-Pour about 1/4 c of crepe mix into skillet, tilting skillet so that crepe covers entire bottom of the pan.
-Watch for the edges of the crepe to start pulling away from the pan (just a couple of minutes). Use your spatula to GENTLY and patiently loosen the crepe from the bottom. Flip, and cook on the other side. Watch carefully, the second side doesn’t take as long as the first.

Lather, rinse, repeat until all your crepe mix is used up and you have a bunch of yummy crepes.

Crepe Assembly: By now you shoulda somehow realized what you got to do. I’m sorry, that wasn’t what I wanted to say. I meant that by now, your fruit should be good and cooked down. Go ahead and remove it from heat.

-Using your butterknife, spread some of that softened cream cheese from earlier across the inside of the crepe.
-Spoon about 1/4 c of fruit into the crepe.
-Wrap crepe, and sprinkle with powdered sugar

Optional: Frozen Banana Puree
If you happen to have a banana in the freezer (who doesn’t?), make sure that it is peeled and coarsely chopped, and toss it into the blender with about 1/2 T of milk. (Add a touch more if needed). Puree, spoon onto the plate next to the crepe, top with cinnamon, and enjoy. If you happen to be eating a blueberry crepe, the banana makes a nice foil.

Happy breakfasting!

*Note: I usually prefer fresh fruit, but I have a bunch of berries that were frozen some time ago that I need to use – this got a bunch of them out. Fresh fruit, I wouldn’t necessarily even bother cooking down (nor would I necessarily not), but frozen fruit, absolutely.

Actually, ok, fine. The kids rooms look great! You can see the floor, there are no hidden dishes anywhere (I’m watching like a hawk), and they both independently opted to pack the majority of their toys – this inspires twofold glee on my part because, one, the toys are out of the way for the next month, and two (more importantly), when we unpack, I can get rid of all the toys left that I hate, and everything else will be like brand-spanking new! (Not to say I haven’t been tossing out the dreaded broken, outdated toys the second they turn their backs).

The living room looks nice. I’ve packed up all the games and extras, except the Wii. The dumb dog has decided that our blue recliner is his to do what he likes with and shredded the upholstery (he nurses on fabric, and being a big rottie, that’s no gentle kneading).

This leaves the kitchen – easy fix, but often gets lost in the shuffle when I’m focused on the rest of the house. Poor room. The kitchen, the bathroom (why don’t I ever seem to want to clean the bathroom? I don’t get it), the dining room, and the entry/office space.

The entry/office space. Bookshelves full of books. Umpteen folded boxes, haphazardly stacked wherever they’ll fit. Other boxes half-filled, waiting for filling and a home. Shoes. Omigod, shoes. Everywhere. They won’t stay put. And then there’s my poor desk. I try organizing. I get good at it for a week, and then it all falls to hell. I have stacks and stacks of papers – most of which I don’t need, several of which are children’s schoolwork and I feel guilty for throwing out; I have stuffed animals, learning materials, and at any given point in time, a cat. He’s cute and disastrous. Every time he jumps up there to claim his perch on my 1995 computer monitor, he knocks something over, dips his tail into my coffee, or somehow otherwise disrupts my chaotic semblance of organization. Yes, I know what I just said… it doesn’t matter, he’s so cute! See?

He and his kitty & canine brothers all do their part to reduce motivation factors to zero. Between their cuteness, insistence on their needs being met RIGHT MEOWING NOW! and their inability to navigate the house without making a mess…

See? They’ve even got me blogging about them. Wasting more potential energy. ::Shakes fist:: One day, I’ll defeat you, lovable, cuddly, havoc-making creatures! ONE DAY!

One might think that would sound like a recipe for disaster – short fuses and an unsuccessful attempt to quit a bad habit. One might not be completely wrong in many situations. However, it feels so right, here and now.

Like I said in my previous post, I am looking forward to (and intimidated by) the opportunity to start over fresh in our new house. We all get to start over! Except, here’s the thing: It’s not magically going to work that way once we cross our new threshold. It’s not like, miraculously, everything we wish we were doing and everything we say we’re going to do is going to happen without effort. No, it’s going to take practice. It’s going to take the creation of new habits to replace the old. It’s going to take a gradual familiarization with the new territory. In other words, it’s going to take some work.

The Missus and I bought a book – not the most compelling read, as it’s a bit pedantic and preachy sometimes, but an awesome book nonetheless. It’s called The Easy Way to Stop Smoking: Join the Millions Who Have Become Non-Smokers Using Allen Carr’s Easyway Method. This book has helped me to look at the desire to smoke in much a similar way to how I look at mosquito bites – annoying, itchy, but if I leave them alone, they’ll go away. And when the urge gets to be so that I can’t find any distraction, if I find myself in the midst of a project I can’t leave until it’s finished, well then, the urge will usually pass.

Yesterday, that project was my daughter’s room. J.J. and I worked together for hours – cleaning her floor, sorting her books, packing her toys and winter clothes. She has a lot of stuff. I mean, really, what child needs that much stuff? But she did opt to pack most of it away for after the move, or even some things to give away altogether. And when she wasn’t looking, Mom tossed the age-inappropriate toys with missing pieces and jagged edges.

Today, we made Too-Much-Awesome Muffins. Muffins with blueberry and chocolate inside them, and they were indeed full of Too Much Awesome. The nice thing about those muffins, though, is that they take time to make, and distract me from wanting that first cigarette of the day. And I get some productive time with the kiddos, teaching them the finer points of baking: “Don’t over-mix the batter!”

This afternoon, B.R.’s room is going to receive the same treatment as his sister’s, and more boxes will be packed. There’s been an awful lot of talk about animals, the environment, and building, so maybe we’ll think about some projects we can do. Or we’ll figure out how to make our own “I Spy” book (J.J.’s idea, and I’m so excited!). In any case, there’s plenty to do, and I have all the time in the world to do it all!

Who says summer has to be lazy?

But now, here I am! Getting ready to move! Getting ready to spend my days with my children, laughing and learning! Getting ready to keep the house looking GOLDEN! Getting ready to churn out my zombie dolls – I may need to learn how to sew doll clothes, actually, because the churning isn’t happening so fast with the crocheted variety.

Everything’s different – everything. Or will be in about 2 1/2 weeks. I’m excited, but apprehensive – can I really do this? I will, in many ways, be starting over my life. It’s like somehow we were granted a reset button, and what should have been two years ago is happening now.

I have a chance to do this right, to not make the same mistakes that I did over the last two years.

I’m trying to understand the implications of this. Obviously a happier home, and a happier family. But liberation! I know what my role is this time, I know what I need to do, the guesswork is eliminated.

How many people are so lucky?

That luck is intimidating.

So, today, I’m not thinking about it. I’m listening to Bad Religion and keeping myself busy with chores (for myself and the kids), “punk rawk pancakes” (I burned mine quite nicely), packing, games, etc.

At some point, we’ll get out in the sunshine, which is making its first appearance since summer began.

Today is a lovely day, and it’s so nice to be back!

I’m the kinda girl that loves a good challenge. If someone else is telling me what to do, and there are prescribed rules to follow, and yet it’s completely voluntary whether I participate, I’m game. I can quit any time I want, and I choose not to, because it’s a challenge! I’m never one to let a good challenge get the best of me!

What the poop is this girl babbling about? you ask.

I’ll tell ya.

My biggest complaint about undertaking this decluttering/cleaning/blogging project is that I have not been able to maintain it the way I want. Something every day. One sentence and one bag of trash to the dumpster. Real life keeps happening.

Oddly enough, though, I’ve noticed that there are certain things I do daily regardless of what else is going on. Things like… challenges. This is because they’re broken down into small components that don’t seem like much at the time, but when you look back at the end, it’s kind of overwhelming to see how much has been accomplished.

Will it work the same way if I make my own challenge?

Maybe. I looked around the internet and about the only thing I could find was, “Throw something away ever day for a month!” See, that doesn’t work for me. There’s nothing challenging about that, and I know that, for me, the results at the end of the challenge will be severely UNDERwhelming. I need something with a gimmick, something that inspires a little creativity.

This is what I am setting out to do right now, this moment: I am going to come up with a 30 day challenge – because 30 days is reasonable – that can be done repeatedly. And I’d love for you to join me and share your feedback on how the challenge works for you! If it can be tweaked to be more fun and productive, it will! There’s so much more potential that could be added to the list, but for sanity’s sake, I think I’ll limit it a bit for now.

Here goes!

Day 1: Clear out all existing trash bags. Take them to the curb or the dumpster (if it’s not trash day and you have trash pickup, set it in the garage until trash day).

Day 2: Clean out the fridge & freezer. Food storage guidelines here will help you decide what to toss. If it’s still good and no one in your household has touched it recently, get rid of it. If it’s unopened and no one has any expressed any interest in changing its status in the last three weeks, give it to a pantry.

Day 3: Toss obvious trash from bedrooms. By obvious trash, I mean those little scraps of paper we write phone numbers on, receipts that get stacked up on the dresser, new clothing tags, that soda bottle that’s been sitting there forever, etc.

Day 4: Toss obvious trash from bathroom(s). Don’t forget to check for expired medicines and vitamins!

Day 5: Toss obvious trash from living/dining/game rooms.

Day 6: Toss OBVIOUS trash from craft rooms and workshops. I can’t stress the “obvious” part of this sentence enough. If you have scraps that are just sitting around, toss them. Plans that are done and never going to be touched again? Toss them. Try not to think too much on this one.

Day 7: Toss your partner’s most disgusting piece of clothing. Obviously, you may want to warn them first. But you’ve been working hard, and you deserve a reward. Those pants with the hole in the crotch they keep wearing? That shirt with the pit stains that won’t wash away? The moth-eaten underwear? Whatever it is, get it out. Maybe you want to offer them a chance to do the same.

Day 8: Empty the house of trash bags again!

Day 9: Go through one shelf of books/media. Pull anything that you don’t intend to use again and that doesn’t have a significant meaning to you. Pull anything that you acquired over a year ago and haven’t touched since.

Day 10: Go through another shelf of books/media.

Day 11: Go through another shelf of books/media.

Day 12: Go through all remaining books/media.

Day 13: Everything you’ve pulled off the shelves over the last 4 days – take it to your local library for a donation or give to a thrift store or shelter.

Day 14: Toss your kid’s most annoying outgrown toy. When they’re not looking.

Day 15: Halfway there! Trash day! Take all the bags in the house out again!

Day 16: Go through your closet and dresser. If you haven’t worn it in a year, if it doesn’t fit, if it looks shabby, get it out. Don’t forget shoes and accessories!

Day 17: Help your partner go through their closet and dresser.

Day 18: Go through one child’s closet and dresser.

Day 19: Go through another child’s closet and dresser. If you have more than two children, you may want to divide your time equally over day 18 and 19 between their closets.

Day 20: Take all the clothing, shoes, and accessories you’ve pulled over the last four days to a thrift store, a shelter (particularly children’s clothing!), or second hand clothing store.

Day 21: Clear the bathroom(s) of products that haven’t been used in the last 6 months. I’m talking about mostly used-up shampoo/conditioner, lotion, soap bottles that are 7/8 empty. My kids are 4 and 6. I will probably never use those two bottles of Johnson & Johnson’s that are sitting under the sink and have been since my son was 1 year old.

Day 22: Do the trash dance! Get those bags out!

Day 23: Games and toys. Start in the playroom, if you have one. If not, then just work through the main part of the house – staying out of the bedrooms. Toss anything that is broken, missing pieces, or not age-appropriate. It may be wise to do this when the children are asleep or in school. And the partner is at work. If it’s been tucked away for three months and more and forgotten about, toss that too. Obviously, it won’t be missed.

Day 24: Did you get the closets yesterday? Make sure the games and toys are pulled out of the closets too and checked for the above criteria!

Day 25: Toys & games in one child’s room.

Day 26: Toys & games in another child’s room. If you have more than two children, you may want to spread your time amongst their rooms evenly over this week.

Day 27: Toys & games in your room. You know they end up there – those toys the kids just have to “share” with you (and you’re thinking, “What the hell am I going to do with a Bakugan ball??), or the toys that get hidden under your bed after they’ve been used to bludgeon a sibling one time too many. You know you have them.

Day 28: Take all those old toys & games and just take them to the curb or the dumpster. If it’s something that really is in good condition, but just isn’t appropriate for the family, get it out of your house and to your choice of donation sites NOW. Don’t let it sit around waiting to be discovered by your children or partner who’ve forgotten how “awesome” this thing is, and will likely forget again within a week. This is where the decluttering process traps us.

Day 29: Happy Trash Day! Last one for this challenge, too! Kind of sad, isn’t it?

Day 30: Pick one thing – ANY thing – that has just been sitting in the back of your mind over these last 30 days as something to toss, and do it. Throw it out. No more excuses!

*Sigh* I can say I promise to be a better blogger, I promise to come back and write every day. But then what happens the next time I get sick or busy? There are no consequences, other than your loneliness. Dear blog, surely there is some way you can hold me accountable for my mistreatment of you!

I have noticed a direct correlation between this blog and my cleaning habits. When I stop writing, I stop cleaning (and vice-versa). And yesterday, I spent the day cleaning, and look at that will ya? Here I am, blogging again!

This last stretch was a particularly long one. Winter did not want to leave our house without making himself quite known. We have all been sick with one thing or another – in fact, in these last three weeks, my kids were diagnosed with strep, I was diagnosed with bronchitis that was more painful than any bronchitis I’ve ever had, my brother (who is staying with us for a few weeks) also caught bronchitis, and my sweet missus has been the healthiest out of the bunch! This is anomalous, and I shall knock on wood for her health. I’d encourage you to do the same. All together, now! ::knock, knock::

But the bronchitis took me out of the game for a bit. I napped on the sidelines, every now and then waking up to survey the damage done by the other team. Stinky litterboxes. A trash pile in the kitchen. Laundry. Toys strewn about haphazardly. It was enough to send me straight into my next nap.

Until yesterday. Yesterday, I turned on my Slacker station (titled, “I Miss the 90′s,” nothing beats it) and set to work on the kitchen and bathroom. To me, those are the most important parts of the house. The kitchen especially, because that is where the food is prepared; a well-kept kitchen, to me, correlates with the health and well-being of a family. And bathroom is important because it’s the one room the missus gets OCD about, and while I appreciate a clean and sanitary bathroom, I also appreciate the warm, fuzzy feeling I get from seeing her reaction when the bathroom has been cleaned. It’s like Christmas morning for her. That’s motivation enough.

The rest of the house is a little more challenging to motivate myself to tackle. It seems like no matter how thorough a job I do, if given the opportunity, my offspring will have it returned to its previously disastrous state in fifteen minutes, tops. I’m being generous, it probably wouldn’t even take that long.

I really need to work on having the kids pick up after themselves. Not for their lack of want – they love doing chores (I know, right?), and I can’t do anything around the house without them asking if they can help. Until it comes to picking up their belongings. Ahh, see, you thought I had some sort of superbreed of younguns didn’t you? Nope, they’re pretty normal. They don’t like to pick up that which belongs to them. There’s always a reason for something to be out. That telescope lying on the floor the last 3 days? “I’m gonna look at the stars tonight!” The blankets on the floor? “It’s cold in here in the morning!” Nevermind that it’s now noon, they need the blankets (on the floor) for tomorrow morning.

I’ve been working on one thing at a time with them. I’ve finally gotten them in the habit of picking up their dishes when they’re done with them. That’s a start. Now to get them in the habit of picking up after themselves a couple of times a day. Really, children are flexible – you give them a reason to change, and they’ll usually try it out. It’s me I’m worried about. I have to make this change happen, and until it’s second nature to them, I have to be consistent in my enforcement of this new expectation.

I’m the kind of mom that’s inclined to roll over and say, “Fine, you don’t have to do it now, but LATER! Later you will!” And later remains undefined… and unenforced.

Maybe it would just make more sense to throw everything away. Think they’d go for that?